David's Got Gas (Maybe)
My friend David Dunn, who owns BB Rover's here in Austin where we play sometimes, is a funny, funny man. So with his permission (I would say with his blessing, but I don't think David has the credentials to bless anyone) I'll be occassionally posting his musings. Enjoy.
MUSINGS:
Thanks to military research, NASA, and some corporate bucks thrown at some high-powered university research facilities, sitting in the cockpit of our cars has us surrounded by technology that matches, or perhaps even exceeds, Captain Kirk's gadgetry on the bridge of the Enterprise.
I can't remember which auto maker a few years ago (Lexus? Lincoln? BMW?)recognized how we consumers equate status and just how far ahead of the Joneses we are with our car's technological bells and whistles and digitally enhanced shiny objects, by dropping a bundle on a commercial designed entirely around the car's clock. The commercial was of course narrated by a guy with an English accent, the other automatic indication of uppity-ness.
A car might come with a GPS that can tell you exact longitude, latitude,and altitude with a discrepancy tolerance of +/- 1.5 gnats' asses. According to a recent TV ad, the computer on the new Lexus can parallel park the car for you while you sit and watch. Or if you can't afford something quite that fancy, maybe you have a 24-GHz, dual-beam radar sensor mounted on your rear bumper telling you the exact distance of any object (larger than a gnat) behind you.
On-Star can diagnose your engine, or call 911 if the air bag deploys, or an operator can remotely
unlock your car if you need 'em to. That last one's scary to me! They know who I am, where I am, my car's VIN, and probably my credit rating and social security number, but who and where are THEY? For all I know it could be a UT defensive lineman with an off-season part-time job!
Sorry, but this is a long-winded buildup to: “So WHY THE HELL can't they tell me how much gas is left in the tank?”
I've yet to be in, see, or hear of a vehicle with an accurate fuel gauge. It can't be that hard, guys. It's possible to literally talk to some cars and get them to turn off the burglar alarm and to turn on the sprinkler system before pulling into the driveway, but if it could talk
back, and you were to ask it, “So how much gas is left in the tank, car?” it's answer would be, “oh, somewhere between a quarter and 3/8ths, I guess? Maybe you oughta fill up once more before you get to grandma's house, just in case. Turn left for Chevron at the next intersection,83.4 feet."
Please! I want Gallons! If you want to include an estimate of miles or minutes, that's fine. Why this intelligence-insulting archaic practice of making it look like we're getting great gas mileage for the top“half” of the tank, then sucking it down to just above “E” in half as many miles, so fast you can watch the gauge move, and then hovering around the “E” so that the only way you can find out just how far below“E” empty really is, is a method of trial-and-error, otherwise known as “running out of gas.”
The technology's there. I know it is.
I mean, do you ever hear this? :
Pilot: [crackle -click] UH, Houston, this is Endeavor. Are we cleared for re-entry?
Dispatcher: Cloud cover's pretty low, Endeavor. Lots of visibilityissues. We're gonna have to delay you another day. You OK on fuel?
Pilot: [Tap-tap] Looks like it's down around an eighth, maybe just under.
Dispatcher: Roger that, Endeavor. Maybe we oughta get you down sooner.Let me see how it's looking over at Edwards or White Sands.
Pilot: Naw, we're OK, Houston. I get at least 21, maybe 21 1/2 orbits below the “E.”
Dispatcher: OK, then. But Hey, guys, better check the craft for debris before reentry. The starboard bow cam is giving us a visual on some kind of deformity on the windshield.
Pilot: Yeah, I see it. Looks like some kind of little bug we hit during
liftoff. Wow! You can see that gnat's ass all the way from Houston?[in the background, off-mic]
Copilot: [tapping] I dunno, Scott ... looks like less than a sixteenthto me...
MUSINGS:
Thanks to military research, NASA, and some corporate bucks thrown at some high-powered university research facilities, sitting in the cockpit of our cars has us surrounded by technology that matches, or perhaps even exceeds, Captain Kirk's gadgetry on the bridge of the Enterprise.
I can't remember which auto maker a few years ago (Lexus? Lincoln? BMW?)recognized how we consumers equate status and just how far ahead of the Joneses we are with our car's technological bells and whistles and digitally enhanced shiny objects, by dropping a bundle on a commercial designed entirely around the car's clock. The commercial was of course narrated by a guy with an English accent, the other automatic indication of uppity-ness.
A car might come with a GPS that can tell you exact longitude, latitude,and altitude with a discrepancy tolerance of +/- 1.5 gnats' asses. According to a recent TV ad, the computer on the new Lexus can parallel park the car for you while you sit and watch. Or if you can't afford something quite that fancy, maybe you have a 24-GHz, dual-beam radar sensor mounted on your rear bumper telling you the exact distance of any object (larger than a gnat) behind you.
On-Star can diagnose your engine, or call 911 if the air bag deploys, or an operator can remotely
unlock your car if you need 'em to. That last one's scary to me! They know who I am, where I am, my car's VIN, and probably my credit rating and social security number, but who and where are THEY? For all I know it could be a UT defensive lineman with an off-season part-time job!
Sorry, but this is a long-winded buildup to: “So WHY THE HELL can't they tell me how much gas is left in the tank?”
I've yet to be in, see, or hear of a vehicle with an accurate fuel gauge. It can't be that hard, guys. It's possible to literally talk to some cars and get them to turn off the burglar alarm and to turn on the sprinkler system before pulling into the driveway, but if it could talk
back, and you were to ask it, “So how much gas is left in the tank, car?” it's answer would be, “oh, somewhere between a quarter and 3/8ths, I guess? Maybe you oughta fill up once more before you get to grandma's house, just in case. Turn left for Chevron at the next intersection,83.4 feet."
Please! I want Gallons! If you want to include an estimate of miles or minutes, that's fine. Why this intelligence-insulting archaic practice of making it look like we're getting great gas mileage for the top“half” of the tank, then sucking it down to just above “E” in half as many miles, so fast you can watch the gauge move, and then hovering around the “E” so that the only way you can find out just how far below“E” empty really is, is a method of trial-and-error, otherwise known as “running out of gas.”
The technology's there. I know it is.
I mean, do you ever hear this? :
Pilot: [crackle -click] UH, Houston, this is Endeavor. Are we cleared for re-entry?
Dispatcher: Cloud cover's pretty low, Endeavor. Lots of visibilityissues. We're gonna have to delay you another day. You OK on fuel?
Pilot: [Tap-tap] Looks like it's down around an eighth, maybe just under.
Dispatcher: Roger that, Endeavor. Maybe we oughta get you down sooner.Let me see how it's looking over at Edwards or White Sands.
Pilot: Naw, we're OK, Houston. I get at least 21, maybe 21 1/2 orbits below the “E.”
Dispatcher: OK, then. But Hey, guys, better check the craft for debris before reentry. The starboard bow cam is giving us a visual on some kind of deformity on the windshield.
Pilot: Yeah, I see it. Looks like some kind of little bug we hit during
liftoff. Wow! You can see that gnat's ass all the way from Houston?[in the background, off-mic]
Copilot: [tapping] I dunno, Scott ... looks like less than a sixteenthto me...
posted by Billy Eli at 9:44 AM
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