Drunken Drug Companies
MUSINGS:
I was sitting at my computer the other day, doing something incredibly important, I'm sure, with the TV out of sight but not out of earshot. I heard one of those 30 to 60-second snippets of news that stopped me in my mouse tracks.
The part I wasn't really listening to went something like: “Researchers at [some notable research facility I didn't catch] in a study funded by [some huge drug conglomerate that one day will control the universe - does it really matter which?] have announced some success in the use of a medication known as [something or ex? whatchamazine?x-y-z-adryl ?] for treatment for alcoholism. Tests indicated that [blah blah per cent blah blah placebo yeah whatever] ...” ( I told ya I wasn'treally listening.)
Then the part I heard:“Known side effects include dizzinesses, drowsiness, visual distortion,and difficulty concentrating. Some patients reported experiencing nausea.”
In other words, you feel drunk? Hey, this treatment really has a chance of working! Especially if the rest of the side effects include, “increased frequency of urination, the sudden acquisition of indisputable knowledge, a sense of indestructibility, enhanced oratory skills and vocal power, and a tendency to put lamp shades on your head,” and if the label includes, “WARNING: Potential sex partners may appear more attractive than they actually are.”
Of course, the drug companies are gonna love this if it gets approved. You know it's gonna cost more than a bottle of Jim Beam for a daily dose, or a year's supply of MD 20/20 for a month's worth of satisfying your new addiction to Drunknomorexzydyl, so don't count on it saving you any money. Instead of the liquor stores, bartenders, and waitresses getting your hard-earned money, it'll go to Pfizer or Merck, or you'll be fattening the coffers of Johnson and Johnson, instead of Bailem and Billem (DWI attorneys.)
Ah, yes. The wonders of pharmaceutical break-throughs. I'll drink to that!
-----------------------[ Please note: Alcoholism is a serious disease, and there's nothing funny about it, nor about any form of drug addiction. If you are close to someone who suffers from such, please understand that my brand of humor and disregard for political correctness are not intended to be at the expense of anyone who may be afflicted, and that I am not totally insensitive to those issues. If this attempt at poking fun at the drug companies, our TV-addicted society, and at myself came across as out of bounds in any way, please accept my sincere apologies. . . . . dave ]
David Dunn
I was sitting at my computer the other day, doing something incredibly important, I'm sure, with the TV out of sight but not out of earshot. I heard one of those 30 to 60-second snippets of news that stopped me in my mouse tracks.
The part I wasn't really listening to went something like: “Researchers at [some notable research facility I didn't catch] in a study funded by [some huge drug conglomerate that one day will control the universe - does it really matter which?] have announced some success in the use of a medication known as [something or ex? whatchamazine?x-y-z-adryl ?] for treatment for alcoholism. Tests indicated that [blah blah per cent blah blah placebo yeah whatever] ...” ( I told ya I wasn'treally listening.)
Then the part I heard:“Known side effects include dizzinesses, drowsiness, visual distortion,and difficulty concentrating. Some patients reported experiencing nausea.”
In other words, you feel drunk? Hey, this treatment really has a chance of working! Especially if the rest of the side effects include, “increased frequency of urination, the sudden acquisition of indisputable knowledge, a sense of indestructibility, enhanced oratory skills and vocal power, and a tendency to put lamp shades on your head,” and if the label includes, “WARNING: Potential sex partners may appear more attractive than they actually are.”
Of course, the drug companies are gonna love this if it gets approved. You know it's gonna cost more than a bottle of Jim Beam for a daily dose, or a year's supply of MD 20/20 for a month's worth of satisfying your new addiction to Drunknomorexzydyl, so don't count on it saving you any money. Instead of the liquor stores, bartenders, and waitresses getting your hard-earned money, it'll go to Pfizer or Merck, or you'll be fattening the coffers of Johnson and Johnson, instead of Bailem and Billem (DWI attorneys.)
Ah, yes. The wonders of pharmaceutical break-throughs. I'll drink to that!
-----------------------[ Please note: Alcoholism is a serious disease, and there's nothing funny about it, nor about any form of drug addiction. If you are close to someone who suffers from such, please understand that my brand of humor and disregard for political correctness are not intended to be at the expense of anyone who may be afflicted, and that I am not totally insensitive to those issues. If this attempt at poking fun at the drug companies, our TV-addicted society, and at myself came across as out of bounds in any way, please accept my sincere apologies. . . . . dave ]
David Dunn
posted by Billy Eli at 12:06 PM
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