Quotable Quotes

From my friend David Dunn. If you're in Austin, stop by BB Rovers and tell him you enjoy his musings.

MUSINGS:

According to Mark Twain, “Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation.” This is something I strive to achieve and occasionally accomplish. Bill Maher, George Carlin, Dennis Miller, Molly Ivins - may her beautiful, witty soul never rest in peace (because she wouldn't want it that way) and a host of others have made a living at it, but it seems that almost everything they say is a twist on something that can be traced back toTwain, Will Rogers, W. C. Fields, Woody Guthrie, Henny Youngman, etc. and etc.

And those guys were probably paraphrasing stuff that could be traced back, through just a few degrees (centuries and millennia) of separation encompassing Shakespeare, Confucius, Solomon, and more. I'm sure Noah had a slew of “how wet was it?” jokes and Eve was the first one to quip the classic rib-tickler, “Ooh, Adam. Is that a serpent in your pocket - wait a minute, we don't have pockets - is that a serpent, or are you just glad to see me?”

So, since I'm feeling a bit unoriginal at the moment but happy to agree with (steal from) the best, here 's a shot at seeing how Mr. Clemens'(aka Mark Twain, not aka The Rocket) quotes marry up to some of today's issues.

On Pete Rose vs. Barry Bonds:“It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not to deserve them.”

On the tech boom:“Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.”

On “She was all like, what? And I'm like, whoa...” :“A man's character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation.”

On Match.com:“When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.”

On the War in Iraq:“Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please,” and“It is easier to stay out than get out.”

On the “Patriot” act and Homeland Security:“Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about,” and “Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.” Or how about “Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.” And let's throw in “Laws control the lesser man... Right conduct controls thegreater one.”

On “Stay the Course:”“Loyalty to petrified opinion never broke a chain or freed a human soul.”

On trying to turn a third world country into a little U.S.A. clone “Everything has its limit - iron ore cannot be educated into gold.”

On our current leadership: “All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure,” and“It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native criminal class except Congress,” and, “Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”

If you're worried about buying a car made on a Friday, just remember:“Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.”(My spin on this is “If God only worked a 5-day week, we wouldn't be here.”)

On Bud Light (and Viagra?)“Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.”

On frat parties:“Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.”

On my own personal organizational skills: “Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else; this is not advice, it is merely custom”

So was he a mere humorist, or the Nostradamus of his day? Or perhaps it's just that in general, a well crafted quote will always stand the test of time. But beware of that generalization because, as you know, “All generalizations are false, including this one.”